thank you, hawthorne

What’s my black veil?
Indifference. Choosiness. Pickiness.
Even politeness.

A shield. A fortress.
A scared individual hiding behind
It’s no symbol, no bold truth
There might be no black crapes in front of my face
But there is a black bundle huddling inside my chest

I keep drawing the line
Venture outside, only to scurry back
Is it pride I’m trying to save? Is it worth this?
Awkwardness betweeen people. A charity case. Unnecessary tension.
I hate that more than being ignored, I suppose
So I hide, I fade, I disappear

Such hard surface
No soil for trust to grow in
A diverted gaze
At least the earth can’t reject me

Not everything means anything
Sometimes nothing means something
So far fate hasn’t shown its face
But I have so many fateful connections

Disconnection. Now. Here.
Connection. Then. There.
Is distance keeping me safe? Or is it dehumanizing me?
Can I truly survive on my own?

Terror creeps in
Unlike any other kind
Elusive like a fog
Deadly as poison
It’s sure to leave its marks

Should I embrace the slow death?
Or fight against it tooth and nail?
Humans needs are insatiable
Fulfill one and another springs up
A greedy monster leaving nothing but emptiness

So tired today
Too tired for this fight
I keep picking with myself

Why do I still need others’ validation?
If I show I’m laughing
When I toss my hair just-so
Is it all a show?

Whom am I trying to convince anyway?

A battle against myself
There’s no win, there’s no lose
I keep running myself to ground
A bloody, dusty fragments of Se;f

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