I Never Want to Wake Up But I Always Crash

There are times when I detach myself from the “real” world completely. It is usually triggered by an encounter of something fictional – books, movies, stories, characters.

When I lose myself in another world, everyday needs cease to exist. There is no hunger, no exhaustion. Adrenaline fires up my body and my mind becomes crystal clear. I only exist in the other world. My heart feels too full and I yearn for something I don’t even begin to understand.

There is always a nagging voice worrying whether this is healthy. Whether I can afford to disappear from the reality for days.

The “real” world has no meaning at times like these. I pity the string of washed-out, suffocating and empty days that we call life. Instead, I am in a happy place, a high without the drugs. Movements don’t matter. Time has no meaning. But every thought and emotion becomes so intense that they hurt. Pleasure mixes with pain and I never want to leave the zone.

Yet I always do. I crash and burn as I fall from the high, and the feeling of loss is excruciating.


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