I was reading through the diary entries I wrote in the first half of last year. Mostly stuff from my second semester of university. Somehow, in my mind, I remembered the first year of Uni as ‘okay’ and the second year as ‘holy shit this is unbearable’.
I should have broken off my pursuit of a law degree a year ago.
Days, weeks, months’ worth of entries filled with the same things: permanent exhaustion, lack of motivation, questioning my choice over and over and over again, never-ending colds.
I’ve been grinding myself to the ground for these past two years. It’s not a surprise, then, or at least it shouldn’t have been, that both my mental and physical health gave out, so that I’d finally, finally listen.
All I can feel right now is that I’m sorry to myself for not listening, for damaging my health. I vow never to repeat this mistake, at least not on this scale, again.