I’ve been on a journey from 19th till 24th. I mistakenly believed this year’s Spring Equinox – the day and night in balance – to be on the 22nd when it was actually on the 20th. Anyway, since I didn’t have access to the internet during those days, here is what I wrote in my diary on the 22nd with the Spring Equinox in mind:
If I remember correctly, today is Ostara. Spring Equinox. The midpoint of Spring. The time of renewal, freshness and impatient energy.
I have come to appreciate individualism a lot lately. It goes back five years or more but it is only recently that I realized how much I have come to crave it – to depend on it. Being alone. Being self-sufficient. Relying on myself only. Total independence. That’s what attracts me to Wicca (& later to paganism in general) most, I think. Thinking & believing on my own, and for myself.
But I don’t exist alone in the world. Even if I can ignore most of the strangers and gently tolerate most of my friends, there’s my family, without whom I wouldn’t be who I am today. Also, I realized today (after a lengthy “lesson” on the Korean War with Auntie) that my today could only be born because of someone else’s yesterday. It is not only ungrateful but also not the kind of human I want to become to ignore it or to make light of it. It should be properly acknowledged and thanked in whichever way I think is due and proper. I should learn to be more grateful for the people around me, and to be kinder to them. To be kind doesn’t equal to simply endure. It’s letting them know how much I value them & what they mean to me.
It’s a difficult balance. I do not [want to] deprave myself my desire to be alone and with only my thoughts. On the other hand, I want to & have to be thankful to everyone that made it possible for me to have this kind of freedom.