It’s called longing

An indescribable ache in the chest catches me by surprise, because I haven’t considered the effects my two-and-a-half days of weekend would have on me. The people, their readiness to accept and belong, the atmosphere and our living conditions all led us to develop something solid and warm between us. Now that I am back in my own apartment, back to the solitude I used to crave on regular basis, I suddenly feel so utterly alone. It feels as if the something between me and them has been ripped off and has left a gash through which a sense of loneliness oozes out. I’d rather have companionship than privacy. It’s a revelation, all right. Just like that I found myself whining to people because I wanted desperately to cling to them and the warmth people are so reluctant to offer. I found myself wanting to possess more than give comfort and love, to wring out and claim other people’s affection rather than giving them my love unconditionally. The wish to be loved and accepted at face value left a pounding ache in my temple and heart. Because I wanted to harbor all the feelings I was receiving, I did not create as many as I could and should have – for while it may feel good to receive love, it feels tons better when you have given love as well. So, peeps, love y’all <3

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