Litha – Midsummer – Summer Solstice

It’s hard to believe that the Summer Solstice is already upon us!

Even harder to believe is the fact that today is the longest day of the year when I have been cooped up inside, brooding, for weeks. Also, it’s too cold to be in the middle of summer; it’s barely 20 degrees Celsius out there!

So yeah, I’d envisioned my summer to be a lot better than reality that I’m facing now. I’d expected it to be cozy, warm, settled – with me diligently studying away.

It’s such a nice picture to hold in my mind.

Anyway, in truth I’m restless and anxious and picky. I dread the departure of my mother and sister, and at the same time I embrace it. University works – both the subjects and the people – wear me out and leave me grumpy and drained. The last thing I want to do on a weekend is to pick up a law textbook and bury my head in it. Although I know that I should. Especially since the exams are rubbing their hands to pounce on me as soon as July starts. I haven’t even started to figure out how to run a household. And I can’t cook. Yet. (Hopefully it’s a yet, not a never.) I’ve had this cold with me for a month now, and this dreaded thing refuses to go away. Oh, its nerves! It’s just yesterday that I have figured out why I’m so unhappy with myself, my life – well, with everything. Why I felt so brittle, and why everyone’s words were like sharp glass shards cutting into my skin. Why brain refused to work and why I wanted to escape to the dreamless sleep so frequently. Why I felt like on the verge of crying.

It’s a long journey. Hell, life’s a long journey. I’ve just begun it, but sometimes, in the midst of chaos of everything, it’s easy to forget the fact that I’m a human, and that I’ve only begun to live my life. I keep demanding more and more of myself because I figure why should I be able to do all this and more? And I wonder why my load is so heavy.

Yeah, people can be real stupid sometimes.

I have always figured Litha to be the peak of the year. But maybe I could change my perspective so that it’s just another reminder that time has passed and life goes on. That I can pull it through, just like I have in the past and just like I will in the future, countless times.


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