Moods and blogging and living

I haven’t written anything for this blog in an awfully long time. I hadn’t completely disappeared as I write (or try to, at least) every day over at even if it’s a sentence or two.

It still astonishes me that my blog gets a couple of hits every other day or so. It amazes me more that people follow my blog in hopes of… of what, actually? I would like to know. So please be so kind and help me make a better blog out of this string of long, rambling posts! I appreciate it. :)

Of course, I can’t promise I will do whatever you want to… mostly because I’m terribly moody. Some months I am full of fresh ideas and my brain keeps whirring until I write them down and mostly I’m totally pleased with what I have achieved. Other times I have to struggle to get each word just right (right now is one of those times).
I look back at posts I have written ten months ago and wonder at how energized and restless I felt at that time. I still remember my excitement over choosing books for my Wednesday Reading Wishlists, the way my fingers flew over my laptop to make a way for all the words tripping over themselves to get out.

Lately? I’m more… subdued is the right word, I suppose. Maybe it’s the winter’s blues, maybe it’s the cold or the exams I didn’t really study for… I feel like my heart is trying to bust its way out but the rest of me refuses to move. My brain doesn’t want to think. My eyes don’t want to see. My arms are heavy and my whole body weighs me down.

Is it because I’m oh-this-close to saying goodbye to my family and our permanent living situation forever? It does terrify me deep down, this living alone thing. I can be very responsible if I want to be… but again, it depends on my moods. Some days I have to drag myself to do stuff and often I’m too self-indulgent and I just lie around doing nothing.

I’ve always had difficulty to live in and enjoy the present. I don’t know why I have to feel impatient and restless all the time. This way, I also get distracted a lot. Especially lately. What the heck is happening?


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